Getting The Booty Back

by Evodio Walle

That's right. Making it back home after traveling to Moldova without losing any of your wine spoils can be super challenging, especially the more successful you are at finding the good steals.

If you've ever ditched school, or hidden cigarettes from your parents as a kid, then you sort of know the feeling of trying to cross back into the U.S. wondering if maybe you've over done it with the wine stash this time. Rather than sensationalize the experience of overcoming cold stares from the Soviet-style customs agents at the Chisinau, Moldova international airport, or dramatize being stared down like a refugee by U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents as you hand them an American passport, I'll just cut right to the chase. Here is how you get your pirate's booty back home.

The big secret: The U.S. doesn't have any single, hard and fast rule on what is allowed back in. It differs depending on the situation.

That's right. This is exactly why you get all those blank, cold stares from fellow travelers on the plane when you ask about customs allowances for wine. No body knows, and nobody wants to admit it. So, stop sweating it out and wondering if you're going to get slammed onto the carpet at SFO for having brought back all that extra Moldovan wine with you. In the next few paragraphs I'm going to show you, the model citizen that you are, how to be a model traveler by helping the U.S. customs agents to do their job better and faster. After all, who likes to stand in line after an 18 hour long itinerary.

How can it be, you say, that the U.S. doesn't have a single policy on wine allowances when entering the country? For now, let's just say: who cares. I'm a business guy, not a legislator or CBP officer, so today we're going to talk about the "how". This post is about how to get you back home, safe and sound, after your trip to Moldova (without leaving a trail of sob stories); so you can quietly (or not so quietly) enjoy that 1984 Negru de Purcari you just picked up for cheap.

Here's the rub: The fact of the matter is that regardless of what U.S. customs may say on their site about wine allowances for personal use, each state in the U.S. has it's own local laws that supersede those general federal guidelines. To keep it simple, just follow these basic guidelines, and you'll be just fine. I've done it many times myself. As with tax law, it's illegal to evade (or hide from) taxes, but it is perfectly fine to avoid taxes. They grant those CBP officers so much power over you as it is, so there's nothing here that will be against their cooperation. Choose your words carefully, and never lie to them. You never want to be caught on the wrong side of the fence with those guys, as they have the power and authority to make your entry back into the U.S. very difficult to say the least.

As it states on the U.S. customs Web site, the general "personal use" rule for bringing in your Moldovan wine (or any wine for that matter) is that you can have no more than 1 liter (33. fl. oz.), without paying duties. To put it more clearly, that's a standard-sized bottle of wine, and a quarter. That's right, barely over 1 bottle! Who made up this rule? Read on, there's hope. At the same time, there is a U.S. Customs policy that says that items packaged together as a kit count as 1 item. Here's where you have to kick in your creativity and imagination. First pause here for a second, and think of that time when you've gotten the short end of the stick (or the long end of the stick across your rear, however you want to look at it) due to some petty technicality with how law was interpreted and enforced against your favor. If you've ever sat in traffic court, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's all about having your story straight.

Prior to landing, you always have to complete a the U.S. Customs Declaration Form at minimum, and possibly some other stuff, depending on what your visa status is. On the rear of this form, you have to declare the total value of the goods you're bringing in. You can have up to $800 worth of declared goods, per person, included in your duty free quota. If you exceed that (which I doubt you would), you'll pay a 3% duty on the exceeded value, plus a gigantic Internal Revenue Service fee of 21 cents per bottle. That's right, less than a quarter. All this time we've been afraid of having to pay that extra change for the excess booze. It's no surprise, considering how obscure the customs regulations are.

Ok, let's keep the line moving, we've got tired travelers wanting to get home. Remember we said that an item wrapped as a gift set or a kit counts as 1 item? When you pack your wine, have it boxed up, so you're only bringing back two units. Use your imagination, and you can bring back around 16 bottles like I do, per trip with zero hassles. Below is a photo of the stash that's possible with the standard baggage allowance. Shrink wrap two of these boxes together, and your customs declaration could read something like: chocolate gift, clothes, 2 wine, stuffed toy animal. Getting the point?

Each box holds 4 bottles securely in place.

It's up to you to secure the bottles, so they don't break in transit (if they can't sustain a 12 ft. drop, then they aren't packed properly), and to find a good deal on the wine, so you don't exceed the value quotas. I'm not going to tell you what value to declare, or what to spend. As for packaging, if you're bringing back anything that would retail back in the U.S. for over a $100, you definitely want to do yourself a favor and pack it properly. There's nothing like getting back home in the evening after a 19-hour trip and having to hand wash all the vintage Moldovan Muscat desert wine out of your "dry clean only" clothing before it dries and stains, instead of kicking back in front of the TV with a plate of fruit and cheese and tipping back a glass or two. If you can find some cheap, light birch wood boxes to pack the wine, use those. When I'm in Chisinau, I pick them up at the Cricova wine store downtown on Stefan cel Mare for pretty cheap, but they are also not the cheapest. So, shop around. The bazaar is a good place too look for odd stuff like this. Another thing to consider when trying to make the weight quotas at the airport, is to make sure you pre-weigh your bags prior to approaching the check-in counter. If you're over weight, you'll have to remove some weight, or purchase a "baggage unit". This baggage unit can run up to $250 depending on which airline you're coming back on. It still won't put you in the red if you got some good deals on the wine, but why waste. Plan ahead.

A medium and small suitcase will do just fine, and still leave plenty of room for clothes. Leave the heavy stupid stuff behind, like shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, liquid soap, and full toothpaste tubes.

Here's what you can expect the conversation with the CBP officer to look like on the way back in.

Customs agent: "Moldooovaaaa. (scratching his head) What was the purpose of your trip?"

You: (smiling, and chilled out) "Just there for a week as a tourist."

Customs agent: "Are you bringing back anything?"

You: (casually) "Yes, a few gifts for family."

Customs agent: (flipping the declaration form to the back) How much wine are you brining back?

In my experience there is a 95% chance that they won't ask you. But, if they do...

You: Just two wine gifts for the family.

Whatever the case is, the customs agent is not going to search you himself. He might request a more thorough inspection, in which case he'll just note something on the declaration form, meant for another officer up the way to respond to. Don't panic if they write something on your form. They do it to everybody. I don't know what all the codes are, but I believe that if it's a circled number 1, then you're home free. I've gotten other stuff written on mine, and have never had a problem. The worst that has happened to me (aside from being that guy washing his clothes in the middle of the night) was once I had my bags xrayed as part of an agricultural inspection, and the CPB agent scanning my bags clearly saw the contents of my luggage and said, "he's just got a bunch of wine." I had 16 bottles of super old vintage Moldovan wine packed in little birch, wooden wine boxes like those shown in the photo above. I was waved through, picked up my luggage and proceeded towards the arrival reception area. As I said, those guys have the power to wave you right through, free and clear.

In the worst case scenario, you'll end up at some table with your bags opened, and the agent will ask you if you know you're over the quota. Just say, "oh, these are just two gifts (gifts for you or whoever, but still)" A gift or personal use is the same. You never want to say anything that may indicate you're going to sell them. That would be commercial use, and you'll be stopped in your tracks. Game over. (Good fodder for another future blog post, though.) Instead, you can improvise and throw a stupid question out there, so the agent will have a chance to school you on something, warm up to you, and realize that you're just a regular person. If worse comes to worst, and you do pay, it will likely be under $20. Just make sure you have some American cash, a credit card, or a personal check with your name on it, and some identification. Just pay the fees and go home. You've made it through unscathed; this time.

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